one of my last shabangs...

so do i look like a natural?!? haha. i didn't feel like a natural. it was lots of fun though! rick and kathy took me shooting the other day. we used a 22, 9mm, and an AR-15. those are all just numbers and letters to me...all i know is that the big one was my fav. except for the ringing that i still have in my ears! weird to think that i was holding something in my hands that has the capability of absolutely destroying something or someone. something that has been used to cause so much junk in this world. but i must say that it was a hoot to see the cans that we were shooting at fly way up to the air! it was so fun everytime. :)

from illinois to california and back...

...that pretty much says it! i'm returning to illinois :) it's official. my interview yesterday went fine, but i knew in my heart that illinois is where it seems the Lord is nudging me. in the big picture...it's not what i expected. a year ago when i left home, i didn't expect to be returning in one short year. but i'm excited! not sure what is going to happen...but it will be an adventure to say the least.
thanks for praying for me. one really neat thing about this all is that the past five or six days have been the sweetest time of waiting with the Lord that i have ever had. and even though the question went through my head countless times of why is this happening now....i'm really glad that it did. because i'm better for it. it's funny how the Lord grows us and changes us and teaches us...and the things that he uses to do it. i'm a big fan of it :)
i've gotta run, but i just wanted to give an update.

more later,
b.

one more thing...

oh, i forgot to mention that my interview with samaritans purse didn't actually happen today. they called and rescheduled it for tomorrow. more waiting...gotta love it.
keep praying :)

pinkberry

so i had the first time experience last week of going to pinkberry. for all of ya'll back home, it's a yogurt place with cool atmosphere. probably the only place where you can get green tea yogurt with cap'n crunch on top. yes, that is what i indulged in...tasty stuff. (hey tristan, it'll never beat ice cream and graham crackers:) somewhere in the midst of taking pictures, the girl behind the counter says..."ummm...there's no photography in here." what?! crazy. little did she know that i had already taken a bunch.

the people i'm with...they are fun msa friends....sam and sam...nope, i didn't stutter. they have the same name.

life as a jigsaw puzzle

my apologies that i'm just now getting around to sharing with ya'll the kinda big life decision that i made a week or two ago. after what seemed like an eternity of being in limbo, i have finally come to a place where i know what my next step is going to be...i'm returning to illinois! (well...at least i think. please read on.) it was an extremely hard decision because there's definitely stuff about life in california that i will miss. it's happy and sad all mixed together. i realize once again that those two emotions can perfectly co-exist. it doesn't make sense to me...but the happiness doesn't lessen the sadness, and the sadness doesn't decrease the happiness. what a phenomenon.
but...as the story unfolds, just the other day i received a message from an organization i had applied to two different times, most recently in december. they wanted to schedule a phone interview. what?! you've got to be kidding me, i thought. what is the Lord doing...why couldn't this have happened just two weeks ago. it's crazy because just before i got the message, i was out for a run by the ocean. i was taking it all in...enjoying the beauty...and talking with God about things he's doing in my heart and life. and in those moments, i definitely acknowledged the fact that it will be hard to leave, but in my heart, i learned that i was ready for this move. i was ready for whatever it holds. i shouldn't be surprised at how the Lord works and how his timing is so much different...but i still am.
so...as i scheduled the phone call for tuesday, questions and emotions were swarming around in me. i won't pretend to know what is going to happen. all i know is that i'm back in the waiting room:) if you happen to be reading this, will you pray for me? especially on tuesday. my hope is that the Lord clearly communicates something to me. no matter what the outcome, i realized through this that my excited to go home is genuine. sometimes it was hard to know if i was just talking myself into wanting to go back to illinois. but now i know it came from the heart. my first response when i got the call wasn't, "yes! now maybe i can stay in california!", but it was more like, "oh no...what is going on? why this? why now? what do i do?"
in church this morning, the guy was talking about how when Jesus rode into jerusalem on the sunday before he was crucified, it wasn't what people were expecting. (just like so many other things in his life). he was on a donkey of all things. definitely not something that anyone would normally associate with a processional into the city. but he went on to talk about our own expectations of God and how often times we pray for the Lord to do things on our terms. like doing a jigsaw puzzle where we have the box top to look at to see what the picture is going to be, we have this idea about how our lives are going to turn out or how God is going to act. so today i'm praying that God would show up on his terms. that i wouldn't try to fit the pieces together in a way that i want them to go, but that i would let him put the puzzle of my life together in a way that is best. which usually isn't the way that i thought.
and i can tell you this...going back to rockford was not the way i thought my puzzle was going to turn out. and whether or not this interview on tuesday will be something that was just meant to affirm that decision, or if it's going to create a different picture...i'm still learning to trust.

much love,
b.

i love joshua tree

i always kinda wondered what inspired U2 to title one of their cds "joshua tree". the wondering has ceased. some friends and i journeyed out to joshua tree national park on saturday...and it all makes sense now. the place is absolutely wonderful...desert, mountains, blue sky, and these fascinating trees that look like a confusion between a cactus and a palm tree. huge rock formations that were like playgrounds for grown-ups. one of the best things though, was a real live oasis that we hiked to. i have such a clear picture now of the word oasis. it was a brilliant spot...a bunch of gigantic palm trees, greenness, and water smack dab in the middle of a desert. it was so peaceful!

the latest...

well...my most recent adventure is of a different sort. i've been working for an attorney through a temp agency. and while he isn't my favorite person in the world, i'm extremely thankful for the work. it's bringing back memories of my former days of working at the bank...because i have to dress up. man, i guess my msa attire of shorts and a t-shirt won't cut it for this one.

keep praying for me...change is coming...and i think it involves moving across the country again!

much love,
b.

lost keys

so i was looking through some stuff today and i found something that i wrote a couple years ago when i was going to school up in canada. it struck me because it spoke to where i'm at today...maybe it will encourage you too.

proverbs 2:1-6
my son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
for the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

these verses have been coming to my mind often these days.
and today was no different...

you see, i lost my keys last night. just keys, i know. not a huge deal. i could live without them, i could pay to replace them. but just the same, it was annoying and frustrating because i knew they had to be around and i was nearly certain i had seen them sitting on my bed moments earlier. so i went to bed last night not really concerned, woke up this morning wondering where they were at, but yet again, not too concerned. but then it really started driving me crazy. i searched my whole room. lifted my mattress to see if they had fallen under there somewhere...shook out my sheets and my blanket thinking they got caught up in there somehow...went through the pockets of the jeans i was wearing yesterday...looked through drawers...moved everything on my desk and shelves countless times because i just couldn't figure out where my keys were! i knew they were somewhere to be found, i just didn't know where.
...search for it as for hidden treasure...look for it as for silver...cry aloud for understanding..call out for insight...
it was like i was hit in the face by an unexpected punch. here i was nearly frantically searching for something as insignificant as my keys, nothing in comparison to a hidden treasure or silver, yet how often do i search for knowledge and truth, understanding and insight even to the degree that i was tearing things apart to recover my keys. it was as if i sensed God saying, "brooke, look for me in that same way, with that sense of urgency only much more so...search...cry out to me...dig in...i have things i want to show you, i have the insight and understanding, the knowledge and the truth that you are looking for...pursue me...i have what you need."
it was powerful and very real.
oh...and my keys were indeed found! as i was looking once again through my room, i got a knock on the door. it was a girl named naomi...and she was holding my keys! she said that some woman found them on the sidewalk near the pool down the street. last place i would've looked. hmmm....

the most beautiful baby ever...

it's true. she is the most beautiful baby ever. :) and i had the joy and privilege of spending the afternoon with her today. the landman family came home from the hospital yesterday and are quickly adjusting to their new life. poopy diapers, feeding schedules, little sleep at night, squeezing naps in during the day, and just enjoying each moment with their baby! kinsley is entirely blessed to have mike and kari as parents. they are going to do such a wonderful job!

here's a few more photos for your enjoyment...

welcome to your life, kinsley grace...

i'm speechless when i try to think of the words to describe this precious little life that i met today for the first time. i can't tell you how amazing it all is....or how amazing God is for being that one that is behind every part of it. it leaves me with wonder and awe and joy. and i already love her so much...and i hardly even know her....but i love her. she's beautiful. she's a perfect miracle. and i'm so very glad i am here to share in this day and this excitement.

well everyone...meet my brand new niece....kinsley grace. born this afternoon absolutely healthy and wonderful!

happy 2008!

resolution: a resolve or determination...a firmness of purpose...the act of determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure...settling of a problem...reduction to a simpler form

i think new year's resolutions have gotten a bad wrap. they've become known as things that people never keep, so what's the point in making them, right? usually the resolutions are along the lines of losing x number of pounds or exercising so many times a week or maybe it's stopping a bad habit. all of which are good things. but i think there can be more to it than that.

for some reason, i've been thinking about 2008 and the resolutions i want to make, the things i want to do/change/learn. but i don't want to do them just because i should be doing them. i want it to come from a place of desire...a place that just wants to be the best brooke i can be.

so i guess i'm just saying that i want this to be an intentional year. a purposeful year. a year of growth. i don't want to coast through this year.

and i want to challenge you to think about the things you can intentionally do this year....

friends...

just a few fun photos since i've been home....

merry christmas!!

hey friends...
just wanted to say that i think ya'll are great....and i hope you've had a relaxing, refreshing, joyful, funny, and special time celebrating Jesus today!

home sweet home for christmas

i rolled into town safely on thursday...and wow, it is so very good to be here! home is such a great place. great people. as i walked in the back door for the first time, my heart just breathed a sigh of relief. there's just something about being home...the comfort of it. the familiarity of it. the safety of it. it's so good.

one of the exciting things the first night i was here was seeing my sister all big and stuff. she's due in about 3 weeks and she is so lovely :)

whoa!

so ya know those verses in the psalms that say, "the heavens declare the glory of God. the skies proclaim the work of his hands"? well...i'm not saying that the Bible wasn't written as it should've been...but...if i lived back in that day, and if i were a writer of the scriptures, and if i just so happened to live in northern california at the time, i think i would've written it something like this..."the giant sequoias declare the glory of God, their height proclaims the work of his hands!" :)
i cannot even begin to put in accurate words just how stunning these trees are...oh my goodness! it's safe to say that i have never seen anything like them before...and never will again because i just so happened to see the biggest tree in the world! it's called the general sherman. (it's 275 feet tall and 105 feel around) and it's unbelievable!

i took a little detour on my way back down to southern california and went to kings canyon and sequoia national parks. it's beautiful country. the mountains. the trees. the snow. the winding roads. the sunshine. the view. amazing. one of the spots i went through was called the giant forest. which turned out to be a perfect name. it made me feel like mini-brooke as i passed through.
one of the last photos here....the one of the root system of the fallen down tree...the thing is so stinkin' big that i climbed up and stood up in the middle of it. so cool.

an evening in san fran

my adventure continues...last night matt and tracy (the couple that i'm working with) and i cruised over to san fransicso for dinner. i love going to new places! we took public transportation, which brought back memories of my days in chicago. so many different kinds of people. so many different stories hidden behind their faces. so much people watching to be done! it was a very pleasant city. i liked it quite much. although, it was nearly dark when we arrived which meant that i could barely see the golden gate bridge or the ridiculously steep streets...it was still so great. we went to fisherman's wharf and heard a slew of barking sea lions...ate at a nice place by the water...walked in an a morgan stanley christmas party on accident...saw the cable cars passing by...and it was just a fun experience, which included some silly photos. and while i couldn't quite make it out to alcatraz, a photo by the semi advertisement sounded just as good. my fav is the random one of matt and tracy and the large head of a woman. :)

only six days until i'm home :):)

from redwoods to liquid sandpaper

just in case it was ever in question before....it is official now that i absolutely love trees! i had the opportunity to see some redwoods for the first time the other day, and it was so terrific! i've dreamed about seeing them for a long amount of time, and sometimes God brings things about in funny ways that i never would've even imagined. (hmmm....that kinda sounds like a verse i've heard before) so the reason that i had to come up north in california (which is exactly where the redwoods are found) was because of a temporary job with a construction company. what?! me....construction?! haha. funny. but it's true. i came up to oakland to work at a fedex facility for the week. never would've thought that would be the circumstances under which i would be able to see some of the most incredible trees. but it's great! i think on the way back down to southern california, i'm going to have to continue the experience of seeing redwoods and sequoias:)
not only has it been a time to expand my view of the Lord's absolutely beautiful creation, but as i was working today, i learned that there is such a thing as liquid sandpaper. who knew?! it's crazy. it's weird.

nine days until i'm in the snow of northern illinois :)

stay tuned for some photos of trees...

rockford in 17 days!!!

i just wanted to let the world know that i have the joy and privilege of going home for 11 whole days starting on the 20th!! there's nothing quite like being at home for christmas....i'm excited. :)

mt baldy

hey guess what?! i climbed my first california mountain yesterday! and what an adventure it was. i set out with mark, brandon, and david...and i was expecting a great time, an awesome view, a good workout...but what i got was all that plus so much more :) yes, it was a great time! it surely was an incredible view of the mountains and the kind of beauty that overwhelms me. and yeah, it was a workout...my sore muscles today are reminding me of that. but i also got to experience the kind of wind that could knock someone off a mountain! hahaa...thank goodness it didn't! but wow, it was so stinkin' powerful and strong and it made the hike unforgettable. i didn't realize the wind was so strong until we were just a ways from the top. we passed a couple groups who said that they didn't make it all the way up. my first thoughts were, "oh, but we'll definitely make it!"....but eventually i got to thinking, "ok, maybe i can't do this!" it was out of control!! i've never been through anything like that before. seriously. there were times when i had to just crouch down on the ground, or lay flat, because i was no match for the wind. we ran from rock pile to rock pile trying to make it all the way up. when we finally made it up to 10064 feet, it was quite an accomplishment! it just so happens to be the tallest mountain that i've climbed :) so...the way down was an accomplishment just the same. the wind was still intense in spots....especially at the "passageway of death", which is what i like to call it. i was in the back of the line when we approached this particular spot, so when i looked up and saw it for the first time, i thought-oh my goodness, i don't know if we should be doing this! had it not been windy, it would've been a piece of pie...but with the wind barreling through this narrow trail with a rock slide on either side, i'm not gonna lie, i was a little scared. but we walked on :) and i'm glad we did...because it was fun, but absolutely crazy. at one point, the guy behind me was doing the crab walk just so he could stay close to the ground. that was probably the same point that i was huddled in a ball. i really thought that i was gonna go off the side! it was great. so, we made it through the death trap...and continued on. the wind was still howling, but it wasn't so bad. maybe we were just used to it. the trail was beautiful and the trees and mountains and clouds grabbed my attention. but pretty soon, the word was out that we had taken a different trail down than we thought we had. but it was all good...i had signed up for an adventure :) eventually it got to the point where we had to pull the headlamps out because darkness had set in, which made it even more fun. the end of the trail finally came in sight...but we were quite a bit off from where the car was at. so....guess what? i went with mark, and i got to hitchhike for the first time in my life :) i've always thought that would be fun, and it was definitely a good first-time experience. the woman that was gracious enough to give us a ride was super nice. and i was so thankful for her because, well, the car was way further than i thought! it would've been a rather long walk. it was a great day...and here's so pictures to show it. although...keep in mind that these photos don't capture the wind...the blasting frigid air...the beauty in its entirety...or the passageway of death (man, i wish i could've had a video of that to show ya'll, but i must say i was more concerned for my life:)

the hunt is on

so my search for a job continues. questions are still swarming about my head and heart as to what is best, what i should do, and just wanting to make a wise decision. i'm eager to see just exactly what that is going to be and where this journey takes me. i had two interviews this week...and one more tomorrow. please pray for wisdom for me. the people i'm staying with are still so welcoming and comfortable and glad to have me. although yesterday i set off their house alarm. whoops. it was rather funny, once i was able to get the silly thing turned off.

much love....b r o o k e

no longer a stranger

oh...one more thing. i arrived in lake forest on friday night to stay at my temporary home for the next three weeks. i wasn't nervous, but at the same time i was thinking...what in the world am i doing? i've spent an hour with these people. but it was clear to me that it was from the Lord, so i just went with it. and whoa...it's been a really good thing. they are so generous. so open. so comfortable. and moments when i start to think that maybe i should feel awkward being there...they remind me that i'm welcome, to just make myself at home, and that they're glad to have me there. and they have blessed my heart.

more later...

a page is turned...

i know it sounds so clique that a chapter of my life has just ended, but it's so true. and that's exactly how it feels. it was a chapter that was sometimes a comedy, sometimes a drama, sometimes a tear-jerker, and sometimes a choose-your-own-adventure. my experience with msa isn't something i would want to take back...yet i realize and accept that it's time to move on. as i pause to look back and try to process what i learned and where God was moving through it all, my heart is filled with lots of great things.
here's some of the nuggets of goodness that i'm leaving msa with...
friendships that i wouldn't have otherwise had. experience in the amazing ocean and knowledge of some of the things that fill it. a reminder of how simple life can actually be lived. times of learning to trust the Lord and cling to him. experience in teaching and leading. an appreciation for truely good drinking water (catalina water was less than desirable.) a great adventure and great memories that go along with it. a realization that the needed amount of showers and clothes washings isn't as much or as frequent as one would think (don't get me wrong, i haven't turned into some gross girl...but camp has a way of making me comfortable with a little dirt.) seeing things i've never seen, doing things i've never done, being places i've never been, and praising God for his stunning creation. and friends that will probably forever call me creek.
and as this page is turned...i'm looking ahead to a blank page. as that one song says, "...the rest is still unwritten..." as i drove away on friday with msa behind me, i was overcome with this sense of freedom. which felt really good seeing that this past week was consumed with questions and uneasiness. i'm sure those feelings will resurface as i continue seeking out where my road is headed, but that freedom was just so needed. so comforting. the sun was shining, my windows were down, and u2-joshua tree was playing. it was a moment that made me smile. i drove up to this amazing little chapel that overlooks the pacific...catalina was fully in view, and the sun sparkled on the water so much that it nearly hurt my eyes. for that moment, things just seemed right.

leaving the island...

this is my last night on the island. the last night of hearing the ocean as i drift off to sleep. i took my last snorkel today. last group of kids. last campfire here. lots of lasts. and my heart is a bit sad. sad to say somemore goodbyes. sad because it's the end of this time of my life. and because the days ahead of me are big questions that are staring me in the face.

good stuff

as i'm sure most of you know, my job is up really soon. really soon meaning this friday! yikes...i can't believe that my time with msa has come to a close. there's a part of me that's very ready to move on, and another part of me that is going to miss this place greatly. but anyways, so i've been trying to figure out what i'm going to do with my life for awhile now. i've been applying to places...scoping out apartments looking for somewhere to call home. i've had hopeful moments here and there, but nothing certain. so...this past week i spent a couple days on the mainland just trying to sort through some of this. and i'm not gonna lie...saturday was a roller coaster ride kind of a day. it was super cruddy because the reality of my situation consumed me. i realized i'm sort of disappointed with life sometimes. and i just wished i could hit the pause button on this journey so i could collect myself and try to piece somethings together. my heart and mind were filled with thoughts and questions of what in the world am i doing here in california, where do i go from here, am i ever going to find a job that satisfies, should i go home, am i making the right decisions, i'm in need of some roots and some relationships, why does God seem so uninvolved in this, i feel so alone, what kind of job am i even looking for, i just want to make my life count....those were just some of the things i was pondering. and i was just overwhelmed.
but it was saturday night. and i was on the mainland. which meant that i was able to go to church! which made me smile. i slipped in the doors, probably not noticed by many. i sat amidst the crowd. tears just filled my eyes...because it was a safe place, because it caused me to dwell on the goodness of the Lord, and my heart could just unload a bit. the service was great. the music was great. and i didn't want to leave. because it just meant that it was time to go back to the sailboat that i was staying on. so...i lingered for awhile. people filed out of the room. but i just remained seated. my head was down, so i didn't notice that someone came to sit by my side. i felt a hand on my shoulder. i turned to the side to see a man...probably somewhere around my dad's age. we sat in silence for a moment or two because just the fact that he cared enough to come up to me, a complete stranger, made the tears come again. i briefly explained my situation. he was quick to suggest that i come and meet his wife and their friends. as he introduced me, one of the first things he said was that i needed a job and a home. i'm not gonna lie, it sort of made me feel uncomfortable. which made me remember that sometimes i have a hard time accepting things/help from people. it humbles me because i realize that i can't do it on my own. so there i was....my needs were right out in front for these people i just met to see. but they didn't seem to mind. they were really great and seemed to care a lot. pretty soon, they asked if i'd like to join them for something to eat. i had an apartment to go and check out...but i told them i would meet them there. so i did. as we were sitting around the table, rick and kathy asked a bunch of questions. they were just trying to piece together my story. where i'm from, how i got there, what i'm looking for, etc. they also asked about the apt i went to see. it was a decent place and she offered it to me...but it wasn't available until december 1. (which i knew when i had called earlier that day to inquire about it...but for some reason i just decided to call anyways, even though it made no sense because i need a place this friday!) rick smiled when he heard that...because he then told me that i was more than welcome to stay at their house for the three weeks inbetween. i cannot tell ya'll how amazing this was. these people i'd never even met...they prayed for me in the parking lot...they offered me a room to stay in...and they just seemed so glad to do it. i was so encouraged. and i was reminded that the Lord wasn't far off, but he was right there putting all this together. wow...God is so faithful. so why do i ever worry? my dad reminded me that God is rarely early, but he's never late. seriously. it's so true. that's so like God to wait until days before i go homeless to show me the next step to take...all to just build my trust in who he is, to remind me of his faithfulness, and to continue to build a history with him. i love it. but man, it's stretching. and it hurts sometimes. i felt like i was at the end of my rope...but it's like God gave me another mile to work with. wherever ya'll are at...if God seems uninvolved, if questions need answers, if you've had enough...man, i know how that feels. i totally do. but from someone who has been given an answer to just one of the question marks...i encourage you to just hang on. hang on. even when you think you can't anymore. because no matter what it feels like in the midst of your circumstance, the fact doesn't change that the Lord is faithful.

more to come...

a glimpse of camp life

seeing that i absolutely love photographs, i decided to do a bit of a photo documentary of a week at camp. it turned into two and a half weeks and more pictures than i know what to do with, but it was lots of fun! so here's just a peek into it...