good stuff

as i'm sure most of you know, my job is up really soon. really soon meaning this friday! yikes...i can't believe that my time with msa has come to a close. there's a part of me that's very ready to move on, and another part of me that is going to miss this place greatly. but anyways, so i've been trying to figure out what i'm going to do with my life for awhile now. i've been applying to places...scoping out apartments looking for somewhere to call home. i've had hopeful moments here and there, but nothing certain. so...this past week i spent a couple days on the mainland just trying to sort through some of this. and i'm not gonna lie...saturday was a roller coaster ride kind of a day. it was super cruddy because the reality of my situation consumed me. i realized i'm sort of disappointed with life sometimes. and i just wished i could hit the pause button on this journey so i could collect myself and try to piece somethings together. my heart and mind were filled with thoughts and questions of what in the world am i doing here in california, where do i go from here, am i ever going to find a job that satisfies, should i go home, am i making the right decisions, i'm in need of some roots and some relationships, why does God seem so uninvolved in this, i feel so alone, what kind of job am i even looking for, i just want to make my life count....those were just some of the things i was pondering. and i was just overwhelmed.
but it was saturday night. and i was on the mainland. which meant that i was able to go to church! which made me smile. i slipped in the doors, probably not noticed by many. i sat amidst the crowd. tears just filled my eyes...because it was a safe place, because it caused me to dwell on the goodness of the Lord, and my heart could just unload a bit. the service was great. the music was great. and i didn't want to leave. because it just meant that it was time to go back to the sailboat that i was staying on. so...i lingered for awhile. people filed out of the room. but i just remained seated. my head was down, so i didn't notice that someone came to sit by my side. i felt a hand on my shoulder. i turned to the side to see a man...probably somewhere around my dad's age. we sat in silence for a moment or two because just the fact that he cared enough to come up to me, a complete stranger, made the tears come again. i briefly explained my situation. he was quick to suggest that i come and meet his wife and their friends. as he introduced me, one of the first things he said was that i needed a job and a home. i'm not gonna lie, it sort of made me feel uncomfortable. which made me remember that sometimes i have a hard time accepting things/help from people. it humbles me because i realize that i can't do it on my own. so there i was....my needs were right out in front for these people i just met to see. but they didn't seem to mind. they were really great and seemed to care a lot. pretty soon, they asked if i'd like to join them for something to eat. i had an apartment to go and check out...but i told them i would meet them there. so i did. as we were sitting around the table, rick and kathy asked a bunch of questions. they were just trying to piece together my story. where i'm from, how i got there, what i'm looking for, etc. they also asked about the apt i went to see. it was a decent place and she offered it to me...but it wasn't available until december 1. (which i knew when i had called earlier that day to inquire about it...but for some reason i just decided to call anyways, even though it made no sense because i need a place this friday!) rick smiled when he heard that...because he then told me that i was more than welcome to stay at their house for the three weeks inbetween. i cannot tell ya'll how amazing this was. these people i'd never even met...they prayed for me in the parking lot...they offered me a room to stay in...and they just seemed so glad to do it. i was so encouraged. and i was reminded that the Lord wasn't far off, but he was right there putting all this together. wow...God is so faithful. so why do i ever worry? my dad reminded me that God is rarely early, but he's never late. seriously. it's so true. that's so like God to wait until days before i go homeless to show me the next step to take...all to just build my trust in who he is, to remind me of his faithfulness, and to continue to build a history with him. i love it. but man, it's stretching. and it hurts sometimes. i felt like i was at the end of my rope...but it's like God gave me another mile to work with. wherever ya'll are at...if God seems uninvolved, if questions need answers, if you've had enough...man, i know how that feels. i totally do. but from someone who has been given an answer to just one of the question marks...i encourage you to just hang on. hang on. even when you think you can't anymore. because no matter what it feels like in the midst of your circumstance, the fact doesn't change that the Lord is faithful.

more to come...