one of my last shabangs...

so do i look like a natural?!? haha. i didn't feel like a natural. it was lots of fun though! rick and kathy took me shooting the other day. we used a 22, 9mm, and an AR-15. those are all just numbers and letters to me...all i know is that the big one was my fav. except for the ringing that i still have in my ears! weird to think that i was holding something in my hands that has the capability of absolutely destroying something or someone. something that has been used to cause so much junk in this world. but i must say that it was a hoot to see the cans that we were shooting at fly way up to the air! it was so fun everytime. :)

from illinois to california and back...

...that pretty much says it! i'm returning to illinois :) it's official. my interview yesterday went fine, but i knew in my heart that illinois is where it seems the Lord is nudging me. in the big picture...it's not what i expected. a year ago when i left home, i didn't expect to be returning in one short year. but i'm excited! not sure what is going to happen...but it will be an adventure to say the least.
thanks for praying for me. one really neat thing about this all is that the past five or six days have been the sweetest time of waiting with the Lord that i have ever had. and even though the question went through my head countless times of why is this happening now....i'm really glad that it did. because i'm better for it. it's funny how the Lord grows us and changes us and teaches us...and the things that he uses to do it. i'm a big fan of it :)
i've gotta run, but i just wanted to give an update.

more later,
b.

one more thing...

oh, i forgot to mention that my interview with samaritans purse didn't actually happen today. they called and rescheduled it for tomorrow. more waiting...gotta love it.
keep praying :)

pinkberry

so i had the first time experience last week of going to pinkberry. for all of ya'll back home, it's a yogurt place with cool atmosphere. probably the only place where you can get green tea yogurt with cap'n crunch on top. yes, that is what i indulged in...tasty stuff. (hey tristan, it'll never beat ice cream and graham crackers:) somewhere in the midst of taking pictures, the girl behind the counter says..."ummm...there's no photography in here." what?! crazy. little did she know that i had already taken a bunch.

the people i'm with...they are fun msa friends....sam and sam...nope, i didn't stutter. they have the same name.

life as a jigsaw puzzle

my apologies that i'm just now getting around to sharing with ya'll the kinda big life decision that i made a week or two ago. after what seemed like an eternity of being in limbo, i have finally come to a place where i know what my next step is going to be...i'm returning to illinois! (well...at least i think. please read on.) it was an extremely hard decision because there's definitely stuff about life in california that i will miss. it's happy and sad all mixed together. i realize once again that those two emotions can perfectly co-exist. it doesn't make sense to me...but the happiness doesn't lessen the sadness, and the sadness doesn't decrease the happiness. what a phenomenon.
but...as the story unfolds, just the other day i received a message from an organization i had applied to two different times, most recently in december. they wanted to schedule a phone interview. what?! you've got to be kidding me, i thought. what is the Lord doing...why couldn't this have happened just two weeks ago. it's crazy because just before i got the message, i was out for a run by the ocean. i was taking it all in...enjoying the beauty...and talking with God about things he's doing in my heart and life. and in those moments, i definitely acknowledged the fact that it will be hard to leave, but in my heart, i learned that i was ready for this move. i was ready for whatever it holds. i shouldn't be surprised at how the Lord works and how his timing is so much different...but i still am.
so...as i scheduled the phone call for tuesday, questions and emotions were swarming around in me. i won't pretend to know what is going to happen. all i know is that i'm back in the waiting room:) if you happen to be reading this, will you pray for me? especially on tuesday. my hope is that the Lord clearly communicates something to me. no matter what the outcome, i realized through this that my excited to go home is genuine. sometimes it was hard to know if i was just talking myself into wanting to go back to illinois. but now i know it came from the heart. my first response when i got the call wasn't, "yes! now maybe i can stay in california!", but it was more like, "oh no...what is going on? why this? why now? what do i do?"
in church this morning, the guy was talking about how when Jesus rode into jerusalem on the sunday before he was crucified, it wasn't what people were expecting. (just like so many other things in his life). he was on a donkey of all things. definitely not something that anyone would normally associate with a processional into the city. but he went on to talk about our own expectations of God and how often times we pray for the Lord to do things on our terms. like doing a jigsaw puzzle where we have the box top to look at to see what the picture is going to be, we have this idea about how our lives are going to turn out or how God is going to act. so today i'm praying that God would show up on his terms. that i wouldn't try to fit the pieces together in a way that i want them to go, but that i would let him put the puzzle of my life together in a way that is best. which usually isn't the way that i thought.
and i can tell you this...going back to rockford was not the way i thought my puzzle was going to turn out. and whether or not this interview on tuesday will be something that was just meant to affirm that decision, or if it's going to create a different picture...i'm still learning to trust.

much love,
b.

i love joshua tree

i always kinda wondered what inspired U2 to title one of their cds "joshua tree". the wondering has ceased. some friends and i journeyed out to joshua tree national park on saturday...and it all makes sense now. the place is absolutely wonderful...desert, mountains, blue sky, and these fascinating trees that look like a confusion between a cactus and a palm tree. huge rock formations that were like playgrounds for grown-ups. one of the best things though, was a real live oasis that we hiked to. i have such a clear picture now of the word oasis. it was a brilliant spot...a bunch of gigantic palm trees, greenness, and water smack dab in the middle of a desert. it was so peaceful!

the latest...

well...my most recent adventure is of a different sort. i've been working for an attorney through a temp agency. and while he isn't my favorite person in the world, i'm extremely thankful for the work. it's bringing back memories of my former days of working at the bank...because i have to dress up. man, i guess my msa attire of shorts and a t-shirt won't cut it for this one.

keep praying for me...change is coming...and i think it involves moving across the country again!

much love,
b.