dinner, chocolate & the big question

i know, i know....it's been way too long since i've posted anything. but, believe me, i have a good reason. i guess my blogging-hiatus started awhile ago....so the blogging world has been left out of the loop that i met an amazing man. not just amazing...but wonderful and fun and incredibly talented and good looking and all around great. so this relationship started last summer and grew and grew some more and then what-do-ya-know, valentines day rolls around and rob surprises me with.......any guesses?......anyone?....it's the ultimate surprise. that's right, a ring! he proposed!! we're engaged!!!!! i was so surprised, which made it that much more fun. in case any curious minds want to know, here's how it went down: we had plans to make dinner together for valentines day...so we found an excellent new recipe that we were going to try together. so he comes over to my place. we make dinner. we ate dinner. i'm taking my sweet ol' time, because i haven't the slightest idea what is waiting for me in the gift bag that he brought over! so after dinner, he rather non-chalantly says, "lets open gifts." so, i gave him a little something i made for him. then comes the gift bag that had been sitting there since he came over. there were some fun things in there that i loved, but the last item i pulled out was a big, tall box of chocolates. i was looking forward to indulging in one of them. so i lifted the lid off, but there were no chocolates in sight. instead, there was an open ring box staring up at me with a stunning ring inside. sparkly beautiful. better than any ring i've ever seen. i was shocked. really, i was. i'm not even sure what i said at first. i looked over at rob. i'm sure my jaw was dropped. he then proceeded to say sweet things, followed by, "will you marry me?" to which i said absolutely yes! oh my goodness, we're getting married! :) that was a little over a month ago...and the countdown sits at just over four months until the big day. 4 whole months. man. seems like forever. i cant wait to be rob's wife. there will be many adventures ahead...

today i'm thankful

i'm thankful for christmas. i'm thankful for the feeling of being cozy. i'm thankful for parents who give freely of their window washer fluid, mittens, food, and love. i'm thankful for a relationship with a great man. i'm thankful for babies that are just learning how to walk. i'm thankful for homemade goodies. i'm thankful for friends who go toothbrush shopping at midnight. i'm thankful for surprises. i'm thankful for scarfs on a chilly day. i'm thankful that the Lord wants my heart.

just a few things that were going through my head...

how do you spell laundromat anyways?!

for those of you that still might be peeking in on my blog to see if by chance i decided to re-enter the blogging world...well, here i am. no excuses really for not blogging. but one really junky thing is that my camera broke. which makes me sad. so...until i get my hands on a new one, no photos :(
but anyways...i was sitting in a laundromat tonight and, no kidding, i love laundromats. there's something comfortable about them. there's something down to earth about it. a bunch of strangers coming together in the same room to wash their clothes. it's just a cool thing. and i think i like it because you wouldn't normally find wealthy people there...it's your everyday, working, maybe even lower class people. i like that.
being there brings back memories in a heartbeat. memories of college. memories of being in california. there was this one time that several of us were looking forward to getting off catalina island so we could go wash our clothes in an actual washer and dryer. i remember...it was late at night and we lugged our suitcases and backpacks to the laundromat. i'm not sure how we came across to the people that saw us, but my guess is that we were kind of a homely bunch. the island had a way of making everything dirty. as we began to unload and wash our things....this woman comes us to me, not at all the definition of wealth or class, but absolutely precious...and offers me a flannel shirt that she had just washed because i apparently looked cold. i quickly refused and said i'd be alright, but was very thankful. she offered again and said i could just throw it away when i was done with it. i smiled kindly, but reassured her that i didn't need it. it was one of those special moments that makes you appreciate people, strangers even.
being at the laundromat tonight just brought this all back. and i love it. meeting people along the way of life. witnessing people's generosity. it's a beautiful thing. there was no one offering me an old flannel shirt tonight...but there was a dad with a couple kids who were having a blast playing together...and there was a woman and her mom folding clothes. and it just smells so good in there. so fresh. and so i just sat and enjoyed it....and waited for my sleeping bag to dry. :)

i just so happen to be a big fan of my niece, kinsley. :)

unexpected things...

so i was standing around talking after church today...and my dad comes by and slips me an envelope with my name on it. "hmmm...", i thought. interesting. figuring it had something to do with something i'm involved with at church, i opened it up. inside i found a good amount of money with a little typed note that included the verse..."and my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. " philippians 4:19. whoa. i couldn't believe it! i guess it shouldn't be so hard to believe that the Lord would work in such fun and surprising ways...but it just caught me off guard. i wasn't expecting it. it's yet another way that...through my months of unemployment...he has provided for me along the way. to whoever it was that gave it to me...you're really rad. and your generous heart is like peeking into the Lord's heart. thank you so much!

the next step is in view

as most of you know...last november, i left msa and found myself in california without a job. i had no clue where my job search would lead me or what my life would look like in the coming months. along with the many resumes, applications, and interviews came lots of wondering, questions, and hopes. these past months have been hard in many ways...but so very good in other ways. i remember when i was about to leave catalina island, and i didn't know where i was going to go or what i was going to do....i remember thinking, "i just wish that i could put life on pause for a minute so i can figure out what i should do." and as i look back, it seems that's exactly what the Lord gave me. it's crazy. and he began to answer that by hooking me up with rick and kathy, who i am forever grateful to. i still smile huge when i think about them and how we were brought together. what an adventure. i mean, meeting them once and then moving in with them! i love it. i love how unpredictable God is sometimes. so...after making the tough decision to move back to illinois, i found myself in the same position...searching for a job. God had already been at work in my heart...changing my perspective on wanting to move back. really. i give him all the credit for that one because it was nowhere in my plans. it also appears that he was working on something else that i hadn't been expecting. through circumstances and timing and praying and talking to people...a job started to come into view. it's funny though because if i hadn't been paying attention, i wonder if i would've missed it. just because it's not what i was looking for. it's not what i was expecting. but...as i've seen so many times...and have begun to enjoy and embrace...God so often works through ways that i am not execting. so...here i am to say that through all the waiting. (which was a sweet time of waiting on the Lord, i do admit....but hard, no doubt), through all the times of not understanding and wanting direction and clarity....God has once again been faithful, and i now know what the next adventure of my life is going to be. it comes in the form of taking on the position of being an office manager at balance design. that may sound a bit familiar to some of you, as it is the position my mom now holds. how is that going to work, you might be asking? well...pretty soon balance design is going to lose the best employee they've ever had (you guessed it, my mom) because she has earned the right to no longer work...and be a full time grandma and much more :) so...in a few short weeks, i will once again be employed. and you know what...i'm just really thankful for it.

just wanted to fill ya'll in...

my new abode

i guess i decided to take a temporary leave of absence from the blogging world. but i'm back. for now at least. i think i mentioned much too long ago that i would post photos of my apt...just so ya'll that live too far away can glimpse into my life. so here it is. it took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to fix it up. (ok, so maybe there wasn't too much blood, except for the multiple times i've cut my fingers with the new and quite sharp knives i have...and there haven't been too many tears...and i guess not all that much sweat either.) but there were many hours of painting and cleaning and all that kinda stuff that goes into getting a place ready. and it's been great to have my own apartment. but it's kinda sad because now i can no longer say that all of my posessions fit inside my car. there was something kind of freeing about that.

one more...

alright, so while tristan and jonathan were here, i had to take them to stockhom inn. while there, elly m. got this fabulous yellow balloon from the waitress. i decided to see what it would be like to take a picture of her through the balloon. haha...i thought it was quite funny. and maybe a little creepy. but definitely funny.

i love the schmits

i decided that i absolutely love the international terminal at the airport. there's so much excitement there...so much adventure at hand...so many languages spoken...so much culture...so much potential for newness and the unknown. oh i wish i could just travel the world at the drop of a hat. as i stood waiting for tristan and her cute little family to arrive from sweden the other day, i just enjoyed people watching. my favorite was this guy that was all dressed nice with flowers in hand. he looked nervous and couldn't stop moving...but he kept his eyes on those doors that would soon reveal the one he was waiting for. i felt like i was watching a movie, and i hoped that i got to see the happy reunion. sure enough, i did. it was so cute. soon after that, i saw them coming...tristan, jonathan, and their little daughter that i had never met. it's a weird thing when your best friend suddenly has a baby. strange. yet so very fun. i got to hang out with them and all their jet-laginess for a couple days, and it was so great! tristan and i met on move-in day of our freshman year of college...and we were inseperable for the next two years, until the great divorce happened and i moved to chicago and left trist in colorado. but what a journey we've been on. she's one of those friends that there is that instant connection that you can't even really explain, but it's amazing. and i'm glad that she's back in the states. :) here's a peek at their precious little one, elly marta.

kinsley

it has been brought to my attention (thanks, tristan:) that i've been doing a terrible job of showing the life and times of my niece, kinsley. so...here she is....she's growing so much, her smile is contagious, her giggles are so precious, and i think she'll be talking soon. (haha, ok...maybe that's too high of an expectation...but i do wonder what she would say if she could talk.)

oh happy day

hey...just wanted to say happy easter to each of you! this morning at church, there was this discussion going on about grace, and it was so great. the reality of the grace that Jesus introduced is overwhelmingly unbelivable. it doesn't add up in my head when i try to sort through it and figure it out. but man, there's just nothing else like it.

may you begin to (or continue to, or be re-awakened to) realize the grace and peace that are yours....

barnyard surprises

this one is dedicated to kari:)
so i was out in the barn today, cleaning up a bit...which included "mucking". haha, mucking. it's a good word to add to your vocabulary if you haven't already. it basically means cleaning up horse poop. so, i was mucking in the barn, when i came across an unusual looking piece of poo. at a second glance, i noticed that it had feet. what? that was about when i realized that it wasn't at all a piece of crap, but instead it was a dead mouse, all curled up. ewwww!
love you, sis :) and just for you, i decided not to add a photo to this entry.

meanwhile, back at the ranch...

while some friends are off to a nice, warm, sunny place...i get to hang out with their horses, dogs, and cats. it's great! doing the chores, feeding all the creatures, the smell of the barn...i absolutely love it all. really, i do :) there's something fun and satisfying about getting up in the morning, and going out to the horses that are neighing for some food.

so here's the crew...meet the horses: winnie cooper, captain, franky, and becca. meet the dogs: muffin and wallace, as in william wallace :) and the cats: moonlight, ivy, and pumpkin. even though cats aren't my fav animal, i decided that life as a farm cat could be pretty sweet. i was watching ivy pounce all around the gigantic stack of hay, and it just looked like so much fun! and they climp up in the rafters and jump around from here to there. they don't have it so bad :)

transition

alright, so i know it's been awhile since i last blogged. i guess i've been getting used to life back in rockford. i'm not gonna lie. it's kinda weird to be here. not quite sure where i fit in and what i'm gonna do here. but i'm glad to be here just the same. oh...and i have a freshly painted apartment that is just about ready for me to move into :) stay tuned for some photos on that.

we made it...

a little over 2700 miles later, my mom and i returned to rockford. it was such a great time together on the open road. the grand canyon...hanging out with friends...hiking in arizona to watch the sunset...reading ted dekker...memphis bbq...beboppin' to carrie underwood...eating way too much fast food...snow in new mexico...dairy queen...and toad suck park. (haha, we didn't actually stop to enjoy the sights of toad suck state park, but did you know that it actually exists somewhere in the middle of oklahoma?! we're still laughing about that one.)...and much more.

thanks for driving with me, mom :)

and now i'm learning how to transition back to life in rockford...

one of my last shabangs...

so do i look like a natural?!? haha. i didn't feel like a natural. it was lots of fun though! rick and kathy took me shooting the other day. we used a 22, 9mm, and an AR-15. those are all just numbers and letters to me...all i know is that the big one was my fav. except for the ringing that i still have in my ears! weird to think that i was holding something in my hands that has the capability of absolutely destroying something or someone. something that has been used to cause so much junk in this world. but i must say that it was a hoot to see the cans that we were shooting at fly way up to the air! it was so fun everytime. :)

from illinois to california and back...

...that pretty much says it! i'm returning to illinois :) it's official. my interview yesterday went fine, but i knew in my heart that illinois is where it seems the Lord is nudging me. in the big picture...it's not what i expected. a year ago when i left home, i didn't expect to be returning in one short year. but i'm excited! not sure what is going to happen...but it will be an adventure to say the least.
thanks for praying for me. one really neat thing about this all is that the past five or six days have been the sweetest time of waiting with the Lord that i have ever had. and even though the question went through my head countless times of why is this happening now....i'm really glad that it did. because i'm better for it. it's funny how the Lord grows us and changes us and teaches us...and the things that he uses to do it. i'm a big fan of it :)
i've gotta run, but i just wanted to give an update.

more later,
b.

one more thing...

oh, i forgot to mention that my interview with samaritans purse didn't actually happen today. they called and rescheduled it for tomorrow. more waiting...gotta love it.
keep praying :)

pinkberry

so i had the first time experience last week of going to pinkberry. for all of ya'll back home, it's a yogurt place with cool atmosphere. probably the only place where you can get green tea yogurt with cap'n crunch on top. yes, that is what i indulged in...tasty stuff. (hey tristan, it'll never beat ice cream and graham crackers:) somewhere in the midst of taking pictures, the girl behind the counter says..."ummm...there's no photography in here." what?! crazy. little did she know that i had already taken a bunch.

the people i'm with...they are fun msa friends....sam and sam...nope, i didn't stutter. they have the same name.

life as a jigsaw puzzle

my apologies that i'm just now getting around to sharing with ya'll the kinda big life decision that i made a week or two ago. after what seemed like an eternity of being in limbo, i have finally come to a place where i know what my next step is going to be...i'm returning to illinois! (well...at least i think. please read on.) it was an extremely hard decision because there's definitely stuff about life in california that i will miss. it's happy and sad all mixed together. i realize once again that those two emotions can perfectly co-exist. it doesn't make sense to me...but the happiness doesn't lessen the sadness, and the sadness doesn't decrease the happiness. what a phenomenon.
but...as the story unfolds, just the other day i received a message from an organization i had applied to two different times, most recently in december. they wanted to schedule a phone interview. what?! you've got to be kidding me, i thought. what is the Lord doing...why couldn't this have happened just two weeks ago. it's crazy because just before i got the message, i was out for a run by the ocean. i was taking it all in...enjoying the beauty...and talking with God about things he's doing in my heart and life. and in those moments, i definitely acknowledged the fact that it will be hard to leave, but in my heart, i learned that i was ready for this move. i was ready for whatever it holds. i shouldn't be surprised at how the Lord works and how his timing is so much different...but i still am.
so...as i scheduled the phone call for tuesday, questions and emotions were swarming around in me. i won't pretend to know what is going to happen. all i know is that i'm back in the waiting room:) if you happen to be reading this, will you pray for me? especially on tuesday. my hope is that the Lord clearly communicates something to me. no matter what the outcome, i realized through this that my excited to go home is genuine. sometimes it was hard to know if i was just talking myself into wanting to go back to illinois. but now i know it came from the heart. my first response when i got the call wasn't, "yes! now maybe i can stay in california!", but it was more like, "oh no...what is going on? why this? why now? what do i do?"
in church this morning, the guy was talking about how when Jesus rode into jerusalem on the sunday before he was crucified, it wasn't what people were expecting. (just like so many other things in his life). he was on a donkey of all things. definitely not something that anyone would normally associate with a processional into the city. but he went on to talk about our own expectations of God and how often times we pray for the Lord to do things on our terms. like doing a jigsaw puzzle where we have the box top to look at to see what the picture is going to be, we have this idea about how our lives are going to turn out or how God is going to act. so today i'm praying that God would show up on his terms. that i wouldn't try to fit the pieces together in a way that i want them to go, but that i would let him put the puzzle of my life together in a way that is best. which usually isn't the way that i thought.
and i can tell you this...going back to rockford was not the way i thought my puzzle was going to turn out. and whether or not this interview on tuesday will be something that was just meant to affirm that decision, or if it's going to create a different picture...i'm still learning to trust.

much love,
b.

i love joshua tree

i always kinda wondered what inspired U2 to title one of their cds "joshua tree". the wondering has ceased. some friends and i journeyed out to joshua tree national park on saturday...and it all makes sense now. the place is absolutely wonderful...desert, mountains, blue sky, and these fascinating trees that look like a confusion between a cactus and a palm tree. huge rock formations that were like playgrounds for grown-ups. one of the best things though, was a real live oasis that we hiked to. i have such a clear picture now of the word oasis. it was a brilliant spot...a bunch of gigantic palm trees, greenness, and water smack dab in the middle of a desert. it was so peaceful!

the latest...

well...my most recent adventure is of a different sort. i've been working for an attorney through a temp agency. and while he isn't my favorite person in the world, i'm extremely thankful for the work. it's bringing back memories of my former days of working at the bank...because i have to dress up. man, i guess my msa attire of shorts and a t-shirt won't cut it for this one.

keep praying for me...change is coming...and i think it involves moving across the country again!

much love,
b.

lost keys

so i was looking through some stuff today and i found something that i wrote a couple years ago when i was going to school up in canada. it struck me because it spoke to where i'm at today...maybe it will encourage you too.

proverbs 2:1-6
my son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
for the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

these verses have been coming to my mind often these days.
and today was no different...

you see, i lost my keys last night. just keys, i know. not a huge deal. i could live without them, i could pay to replace them. but just the same, it was annoying and frustrating because i knew they had to be around and i was nearly certain i had seen them sitting on my bed moments earlier. so i went to bed last night not really concerned, woke up this morning wondering where they were at, but yet again, not too concerned. but then it really started driving me crazy. i searched my whole room. lifted my mattress to see if they had fallen under there somewhere...shook out my sheets and my blanket thinking they got caught up in there somehow...went through the pockets of the jeans i was wearing yesterday...looked through drawers...moved everything on my desk and shelves countless times because i just couldn't figure out where my keys were! i knew they were somewhere to be found, i just didn't know where.
...search for it as for hidden treasure...look for it as for silver...cry aloud for understanding..call out for insight...
it was like i was hit in the face by an unexpected punch. here i was nearly frantically searching for something as insignificant as my keys, nothing in comparison to a hidden treasure or silver, yet how often do i search for knowledge and truth, understanding and insight even to the degree that i was tearing things apart to recover my keys. it was as if i sensed God saying, "brooke, look for me in that same way, with that sense of urgency only much more so...search...cry out to me...dig in...i have things i want to show you, i have the insight and understanding, the knowledge and the truth that you are looking for...pursue me...i have what you need."
it was powerful and very real.
oh...and my keys were indeed found! as i was looking once again through my room, i got a knock on the door. it was a girl named naomi...and she was holding my keys! she said that some woman found them on the sidewalk near the pool down the street. last place i would've looked. hmmm....

the most beautiful baby ever...

it's true. she is the most beautiful baby ever. :) and i had the joy and privilege of spending the afternoon with her today. the landman family came home from the hospital yesterday and are quickly adjusting to their new life. poopy diapers, feeding schedules, little sleep at night, squeezing naps in during the day, and just enjoying each moment with their baby! kinsley is entirely blessed to have mike and kari as parents. they are going to do such a wonderful job!

here's a few more photos for your enjoyment...